Lay it all down to rest {Death Wisdom Throw}

For She Who Asked:

Just for right now.

There is no such thing as forever because life is like that, we are born and we die and there are these moments in between like when fingers interlace and the pot of broth simmers and just the smell heals your gaping holes and the way your breath makes steam in cold desert air under the flying stars, and catching a glimpse of her sleeping with skin touched by moons- these moments, they always end.  After they are done, they are dead. We cannot hold on to them. We cannot breathe life into them. We have to let them go. We can write about them and dream about them. But they are dead. See how easy death is?   I have had to die 243 times just today alone, and I have had to let 4,567 moments go.  Today alone I had to stop my breath and and start it again... and in that space in-between, that's death. 

Lay it all down to rest.

Death is like rest. It's like release. It's like throwing it all out to sea. Death is what lives in the middle and down as far as you can go, to the secret parts the living are unable to see. It's where death decides to settle. And grows.  It's trust. It's mystery. It's wisdom. It's the keeper of the records. It's like everything you know and nothing you know and everything you long to know. And as we sit at the threshold,  let the force that is under you and behind you and within you push us both into the night, into the water, into the fire. Where we become chipped bones and then gray sparkling ash.  And you know what comes next. You get to rise. Without death, we'd never get to rise.

No more bleeding out.

There is only so much blood you can shed and walk around and still be alive. You are half dead when you let your blood go like this and there is nothing worthy in half dead.  Don't let life be like death. Don't let death be like life. Death is death. Don't let all the blood go unless you are willing to let all the blood go.  Are you? Then tap yourself dry and remember that your blood will come back as a field of lupine on your favorite mountain side, the one with the waterfall, the one where you washed your entire muddy body unde,r on the side of the road, naked, and without a care. 

There is nothing binding you.

Nothing. You are free. You are free. You are free. You are free. You are free to let things die. To let yourself die. 

No more swords digging into tender flesh.

It hurts. It's sharp. It's exhausting. There is no need for a martyr or a savior or a blessed mother here.  You are not bound to any yes or any no or any kind of forever.  So take out the swords. Your contract can be up.  And you can re-write 10,000 more agreements and contracts tomorrow. Or the next day. Or whenever you are done with Death. 

Give up.

There is no shame. Just exhale so deep that there is nothing left but an empty body.  Just light the match and throw it down and watch it burn.  Murderous wildfires will happen and just close your eyes.  And say no. Give up. Be done.  Because it is done with you.  Give up. Let doneness find you. 

Just lay it all down to rest.

Let yourself be tired. Let yourself be still. Let yourself know what it's like for the Earth to reach up and grab you and swallow you and hold you in her womb. 

Just let there be room for Death.  With death, so much comes next. 

 

And so long as you haven't experienced this: to die and so to grow ... you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth.

- Goethe

* * *

Death Wisdom Throw.  

Light a candle. 

Take your Death card out.  Sit with it. Ground with it.  Close your eyes and imagine what the mind’s eye wants to create visually for you around Death.  What words come up? Allow your own energy of Death and her deities enter your space.  Place Death back in the deck of Major cards.  Shuffle. Throw. Use your intuition around the shape and layout of your throw. 

What is Death

What is the source of all Death

Why must it happen?

What is already dead?

What must die?

How do I let it die?

What must live for me?

How do I help this live?