Seduce {a journey}

It’s been too long now.  Much too long. And quite frankly I am just done. 

{this is a loud call out to the universe and an invitation for you to join me in a unique + unified Voice}

I have spent years looking at myself in the mirror- and what I saw- I didn’t love.   

What I saw was an over-worked, exhausted, hadn’t showered in over a week, bags under the eyes, loneliness in the eyes, half-present, half-alive, wound up too tight, impatient, unenergized, undernourished little girl who had been ignored.  By herself. 

There was literally no love in my heart for myself.  Truly.  I was tapped of self-love.  I felt I wasn’t worth it anymore. I was actually on the verge of hating myself.  And listen, I know the path. I am the worst kind. I have lived self-loved- for many years, the love I had for myself was sweet and powerful and divine-  and I let it go. I gave it up. For stress. Lack. Negligence. Business. Work. Fear. Doubt. 

You cannot love others deeply or be loved by others truly unless you shower yourself with the kind of love that comes from the seed of your heart and the essence of your blood.  You know the kinds of things that come into your life when you aren’t madly in love with yourself? They're what you find yourself constantly trying to release under the dark of the moon or into the ocean's waves or burn up on little pieces of paper in the fire. I went through all the motions, trust me.  But I did not embody self-love. I lived it on the surface. I wanted to skip to the end results without putting in all the work- the work of using LOVE as an action, a vibration, an offering towards Self.  I was always so busy trying to muster up the energy to love and care for others,  that I lost connection with self love and made a mess in my relationships because there there was literally no reserve or care for myself and so my people suffered too.  I was also always trying to figure out ways to get other's to love, like accept me that I literally forgot why I loved myself.  

So here I stand.  With a gorgeous, vibrant daughter cusping her pre-teen years.  Another old soul of a daughter watching my every move very closely.  Another wee daughter who hasn’t even come out of her self-infatuation incarnation, her beautiful love affair with herself hasn’t yet been interrupted. I am fully responsible for them and their own love journey.  I want my oldest to step into the sticky years of hormonal wildfires with a swelling heart pumping love into herself.  I want the middle to continue to observe the ways of the wise woman and take sincere note as being one. I want the littlest to keep that wild sensual self-love growing rapidly and unfolding in the most delicious ways.

And so. I must commit the greatest act of Love.  

The one that intertwines me to me. Full embrace. Eye to eye.  Heart to heart. Hand in hand. Time. Space. Ritual. Care. Me + Me. True love forever. And ever. 

There is no risk of self-absorption here.  There is no risk of vanity.  There is no risk at all.  This is why we are here. Love Thyself in order to Love One Another.

Love thyself like we loved the star that crossed our paths before we were even flesh and our bodies remained gaseous and fiery.  Love like the love we wish for our children.  Love like the moon loves the sun.  Love like the root adores the soil- soaking in every kind of goodness for spectacular growth and bloom.  Love like a hot, steamy, sexy, stormy, messy, satisfying love affair in Italy amongst bowls of olive oil and dark earthy wine and brick streets with a wise old woman winking at you as you pass her by.  Love like the kind god has.  Like the kind you have for god. Love like Our Lady’s Love, like Quan Yin's Love, like Oshun’s Love, like Kali’s Love, so fierce and so strong and so bold it can sever the heads off Hate. Love like you love yourself. Love Yourself.

I know this isn’t new information. But for the first time in a decade I am ready to dive into my own body, to get into my bones, to notice the pulse of my blood, to feel how luxurious my muscles are. To get turned on by not only *how*  I look and feel, but turned on to why I am here.  The path that I am walking, that I chose like I chose the womb I would grow in. To get turned on by the creations that come through me.  I want to turn myself on.

I want to feel the weight of my love light against my own body.  I want to make my chakras spin in drunkeness and my auras sing out to the world in cheesy 1980’s love songs.  I want my flesh to melt like dub reggae against my bones.  I want to walk and have my hips sway so I can’t help by want to adore myself and adorn myself.  I want to love myself so much that my writing takes a turn, so even in the shadows the wisdom whispers her secrets and even in the light the glare isn’t too bright to see. I want to wear a crown. And feel very comfortable with its shine.

I want to love myself back Home.  Love myself back to my original and delicious sin.  I want to taste the apple.  Bite into it and let the juice splatter everywhere and get me all sticky and wet and strip my clothes off and lay on the earth and say "come and get me, mama, i am so ready for this coming paradise of myself”.

This is my desire.  

Here is how I am going to do it. 

I am just going to.  I will need to buy nothing.  I will not need a room of my own except the room I create in my head/body/heart.  It involves more writing, less thought.  More touching.  More sensing.  More attention. More nature. More solitude. More community.  It involves less time in front of a computer and a phone.

YES. LESS TIME IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER AND A PHONE.

This isn’t about being seen by others.  This is about being seen by ME.

*Do you you want to join me on this journey?*

I ask because I want there to be a love revolution this February.  And I want it to feel like a second skin. Something to slip into, all silky and soft.  And I want it for all of us.

I wrote this piece to help jump-start this journey and when I chose to do the things I listed…a little earthquake of love began rumbling in my body.  And so I wanted to take this to the next level.  And I am.  Motherlovin’ yes I am. I am.  Because that is why I am here.  To love and love hard.  Especially myself.

*Every single day in February {love, love, love} sign up to receive an email with prompts, propositions, simple potions, seductions, rituals, mantras, visions, love letters.  Very simple, easy, organic ways to seduce ourselves and being way better lovers to ourselves {which extends to those around us}. $14 for an every day reminder and instigation to love. 

I am not fucking around.  I am for real.  Come along and make love to your fine self.

Walking the Beauty Way,

xx

MaryBeth