a distinctly new year.

it didn't really feel like a new year until a few days in.  the world stayed in tact on winter solstice/my birthday and the shift from the sun's wane to the sun's wax lifted me by wings and rays.   I realized the only thing that ended was my concept of time. which makes everything new, timeless, ageless, clocks smashed, schedules abandoned, lists thrown right in the raging fire.  It's distinctly different in that it's now physcially impossible for me to live any other place than the moment in front of me.  When I try,  I fall on my face and extend so far out I seem to snap back, exhausted, out of my usual shape.

Everything is becoming a yes, even the no's, with the persmission of the moment.  This is new for me.  I'm a planner.  A visionary + archer.  I write into the future.  But this was beginning to fuck with my presence.

I've stopped worring about making decisions farther out than my eye could see.  

I've re-committed to loving the largeness of myself, the big bad heavy crazy largeness of myself and I bow in thanks to the barriers/protectors that up until this point have contained my wild raging fire.  They have graciously stepped aside without me resorting to burning them down and invited me to burn what I need. 

There is such a freedom in embodying something consciously, creatively, gently nonlinear.  A friend and I were talking the other night and we like to think the Mayan Calendar ended just for this intention.  To tell us: stop chasing down time.  There is nothing that yet matters unless it's been born from the emotion of each moment.

 


When light shines we give it the biggest Up there is and nothing else trumps dancing in it.  This is the way of life when you live under rain clouds.

My hair has been cut,  fully chopped and trashy bleached.  I want to say I miss my dreadlocks because I do but I really don't.  They asked to leave at the right time. Lice will push you to scale down to virtually nothing including hair.  I look different, older or maybe just more grown-up.  It's a different kind of roots, the kind that don't grow from my head but from my feet instead.

And then there is snow and nothing else in the Universe is cooler than that for them.  And although my part is to sit and watch from the window by the fire and have the warm drinks ready when the return inside, I also think it's the most generous gift of love making from the air + water.  A gift of alchemy that makes everything bling.

After scaling down to virtually nothing, losing so much weight and story in the process, we built and moved into a beautiful yurt at the beginning of December.  I call it the yurterus because there is a 6 foot diameter circular window at it's peak that looks suspiciously cervical.  Yurts are always round, no corners to get trapped in, to access to carry.  The walls are made from fabric that breathes.  The wood stove makes it womb-like warm.  So in it is a place to enjoy, to not know what lies ahead, to curl up in the mystery of my mother and just let the waters flow.  {It truly is the most beautiful space I've ever lived in, the most healing,  but I won;t romantisize it-  it's most certainly not the easiest. it's a living space and we work for it's gifts.}


This was the gift of the Sun on my birthday.  With it I hiked up a mountains to a lake and ran around it with my family. There is nothing to really say except look at that flare.  The flare says it all.

we soaked the stress and packaged goods of the traditional holiday celebration away in hot springs in the middle of the mountains.  trips like this aren't always easy for us - with money and bombing down there driving with three kids- but we do it.  these are the moments we say yes because every part of our body needs this yes.  and always in the end we can't have imagined not giving ourselves these simple gifts of pleasure.

She really enjoyed rolling in the snow and then jumping in the 102 degree hot pool.  We have been to many springs with all our kids, since they were babes in arms, and they were always naked.  This was the first time she decided that a suit would bring her more comfort.  I find that ridiculously cute. 

After 5 years of living here I came to this spot and made an offering.  A thank for allowing me to borrow this slice of paradise to raise my little family on.  It's really such a profound gift we get to live on this earth.  Really. Such a gift.

From my wild sisters and their wild-ish mother and all the creatures and and beings and particles of divinity that grow and blow and shower upon us: Happy New Year! 

{{I hope you all keep reading and writing and enjoying one of the most simply intense pleasures of this world: words.  I hope they flow through you and you feel ready, able and confident to tell your stories, the ones from long ago, or to just write the little bits of  moments that seem to tug more on your gut and heart.  This year will be the year I launch a magazine with some amazing partners as well as begin a long lusted for writing collective.  I am so stoked on co-creation and feel falling down drunk-like blessed for getting to live a writing life.}}